So I have been pestered and pestered to start up this blog - So here I am =D
Not entirely sure what to write so I shall keep in sweet and relatively short and simple - Must go and look that up in the dictionary first !!!
Ok, so once upon a time... Haha kidding. =P Ahem, ok serious now. I started to get pains during my years at secondary school, particarly in my knee's and neck (however I never complained about my neck, I thought it was just my head getting heavier with all the info overload) but I started to struggle in P.E, especially running so I went to the doctors who told me it was just growing pains. However the pain got worse so I went back and the same doctor told me the cartilidge in my knee was bent and i shouldn't do any strenuous exercise, e.g running - I asked for a note to give to my school to exclude me from such activities, did he give me one? Of course he didn't !!!
So, I continued to struggle along, done my GCSE's and finished school and went straight onto college. At this point I had a great social life, lots of friends and I was happy with life. My health however, deteriorated. I suffered with tonsillitis on many occasions, getting worse after each episode. I often found my lower body hurt like my ankles and knee's... To be honest I didnt really take much notice and just got on with it.
Finished my first year at college and decided to do a 2 year course to build up my degree. This is when I really struggled and everything collapsed around me basically. The beginning of the course started of great, I made some new friends and was involved in a nice big group in my tutor - It made college bearable. But by this time I was dealing with alot of stress, my parents had just split up and I was trying to adapt to new way of living, especially without my mum and my sister. My dad was poorly and was going through knee replacements so I had to take time off college to look after him and therefore fell behind in alot of work and I struggled catching up with everything adding to more stress which naturally made me really poorly. I mostly suffered with tiredness, I didn't want to get up the mornings and in the end could not physically keep my eyes open, was late for college alot and although I tried to explain to my friends, no-one understood and just thought I was having lie ins because I couldnt be bothered of which upset me. I wasn't lazy, I really wanted to be up to date and as knowledgeable as everybody else. Tiredness took over and all of a sudden I began to experiance all of this aches and pains - the stiffness in the morning, my back, neck, wrists, shoulder blades, hips, knees, ankles - It felt like EVERYTHING hurt constantly. This was all so new to me, of course I wanted to moan about it i was feeling sorry for myself - did my friends care? No! they didnt even want to try to understand.
Bla bla bla bla.... February last year, I was then diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - began to tell friends this was the reason, tried to help them understand, I lost my social life because I was sometimes too poorly or exhausted/tired, again no one understood and I lost alot of friends - So much for support right. Guess it just shows how ignorant and selfish this world is. Even my college tutors were not supportive. So now i've lost my social life, friends, I'm behind on work, I'm caring for my dad at home, I have no support at college, beginning to deal with this 'new illness' and I feel so alone. So along comes my good old friend, depression! Obviously no one knew about this because I felt no one cared enough to want to know how I was feeling. This feeling became on and off for about a year until a few months ago it got so bad, I was planning on how to kill myself because I didn't want to be here anymore. This is when I was officially diagnosed with depression.
These days, I've still lost all my friends because they feel I don't make enough effort with them as I am never out. They seem to conveniently forget sometimes I just physically cant make it, if they go down the pub on a Friday/Saturday night I don't really want to join as they are getting highly intoxicated and I can't as my body cannot handle alcohol therefore I'm sat there like a lemon having a crap time. Funny how 'friends' forget I often make suggestions to go elsewhere, drinks round a friends house, catch up over coffee, cinema, bowling - and the same excuses always arise 'sorry I'm busy, cant do then, how about then? I don't get paid till such and such' and then it all gets forgotten and I'm still made out to be the bad guy. I sometimes feel I would not be so low if I had a chain of supportive friends around me who at least tried to understand and would be ok about not seeing me as much as they used too. At first I used to band on about how I was feeling, emotionally and physically so I can understand why some have detatched from me - however I was just trying to get used to it all and thought by telling people how I felt would also help them understand too.
On a positive note - home life is great, I have a fantastic relationship now with my dad (Even if we did just have a barney lol) I ADORE my job, I work in a pre school. The children and staff are brilliant and I love being there. I can't think of many people who can really say they love they're chosen career and line of work.
Although my health has deteriorated and I could possibly have M.E as well as Fibromyalgia, I'm trying not to let it get to me. I go to the Rheumatologist next week so we shall see what she says! But just a simple message to all those I 'lost' as a friend - put yourself in my shoes and all the crap you know I have been through, if this was you.... how would you feel?. So thanks for your 'support' and your 'friendship' but a truly heartwarming thank you to one friend in particular, Toby, who has always been there for me, took the time to understand and listen to me and was patient with all my moaning and groaning !! Someone I can call a true a friend - So a massive thank you !!
Story over =D xxx
Not entirely sure what to write so I shall keep in sweet and relatively short and simple - Must go and look that up in the dictionary first !!!
Ok, so once upon a time... Haha kidding. =P Ahem, ok serious now. I started to get pains during my years at secondary school, particarly in my knee's and neck (however I never complained about my neck, I thought it was just my head getting heavier with all the info overload) but I started to struggle in P.E, especially running so I went to the doctors who told me it was just growing pains. However the pain got worse so I went back and the same doctor told me the cartilidge in my knee was bent and i shouldn't do any strenuous exercise, e.g running - I asked for a note to give to my school to exclude me from such activities, did he give me one? Of course he didn't !!!
So, I continued to struggle along, done my GCSE's and finished school and went straight onto college. At this point I had a great social life, lots of friends and I was happy with life. My health however, deteriorated. I suffered with tonsillitis on many occasions, getting worse after each episode. I often found my lower body hurt like my ankles and knee's... To be honest I didnt really take much notice and just got on with it.
Finished my first year at college and decided to do a 2 year course to build up my degree. This is when I really struggled and everything collapsed around me basically. The beginning of the course started of great, I made some new friends and was involved in a nice big group in my tutor - It made college bearable. But by this time I was dealing with alot of stress, my parents had just split up and I was trying to adapt to new way of living, especially without my mum and my sister. My dad was poorly and was going through knee replacements so I had to take time off college to look after him and therefore fell behind in alot of work and I struggled catching up with everything adding to more stress which naturally made me really poorly. I mostly suffered with tiredness, I didn't want to get up the mornings and in the end could not physically keep my eyes open, was late for college alot and although I tried to explain to my friends, no-one understood and just thought I was having lie ins because I couldnt be bothered of which upset me. I wasn't lazy, I really wanted to be up to date and as knowledgeable as everybody else. Tiredness took over and all of a sudden I began to experiance all of this aches and pains - the stiffness in the morning, my back, neck, wrists, shoulder blades, hips, knees, ankles - It felt like EVERYTHING hurt constantly. This was all so new to me, of course I wanted to moan about it i was feeling sorry for myself - did my friends care? No! they didnt even want to try to understand.
Bla bla bla bla.... February last year, I was then diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - began to tell friends this was the reason, tried to help them understand, I lost my social life because I was sometimes too poorly or exhausted/tired, again no one understood and I lost alot of friends - So much for support right. Guess it just shows how ignorant and selfish this world is. Even my college tutors were not supportive. So now i've lost my social life, friends, I'm behind on work, I'm caring for my dad at home, I have no support at college, beginning to deal with this 'new illness' and I feel so alone. So along comes my good old friend, depression! Obviously no one knew about this because I felt no one cared enough to want to know how I was feeling. This feeling became on and off for about a year until a few months ago it got so bad, I was planning on how to kill myself because I didn't want to be here anymore. This is when I was officially diagnosed with depression.
These days, I've still lost all my friends because they feel I don't make enough effort with them as I am never out. They seem to conveniently forget sometimes I just physically cant make it, if they go down the pub on a Friday/Saturday night I don't really want to join as they are getting highly intoxicated and I can't as my body cannot handle alcohol therefore I'm sat there like a lemon having a crap time. Funny how 'friends' forget I often make suggestions to go elsewhere, drinks round a friends house, catch up over coffee, cinema, bowling - and the same excuses always arise 'sorry I'm busy, cant do then, how about then? I don't get paid till such and such' and then it all gets forgotten and I'm still made out to be the bad guy. I sometimes feel I would not be so low if I had a chain of supportive friends around me who at least tried to understand and would be ok about not seeing me as much as they used too. At first I used to band on about how I was feeling, emotionally and physically so I can understand why some have detatched from me - however I was just trying to get used to it all and thought by telling people how I felt would also help them understand too.
On a positive note - home life is great, I have a fantastic relationship now with my dad (Even if we did just have a barney lol) I ADORE my job, I work in a pre school. The children and staff are brilliant and I love being there. I can't think of many people who can really say they love they're chosen career and line of work.
Although my health has deteriorated and I could possibly have M.E as well as Fibromyalgia, I'm trying not to let it get to me. I go to the Rheumatologist next week so we shall see what she says! But just a simple message to all those I 'lost' as a friend - put yourself in my shoes and all the crap you know I have been through, if this was you.... how would you feel?. So thanks for your 'support' and your 'friendship' but a truly heartwarming thank you to one friend in particular, Toby, who has always been there for me, took the time to understand and listen to me and was patient with all my moaning and groaning !! Someone I can call a true a friend - So a massive thank you !!
Story over =D xxx