As the title suggests, this entry is a view from the outside, but, in particular, a view I have of a friend who has Fibro and possibly M.E. Now, I'm going to try and keep this short, well shortish anyway.....but I just know that I will ramble on as Chess knows only too well!!
Firstly let me introduce myself, I'm Toby, the true friend Chess (Francesca) refers to in her blog.
I have known Chess for 4 years now, feels soooo much longer, and I have seen a lot of changes and a lot of ups and downs, not only in her health but also in her social life. Its hard to be a bystander and watch it happen without being able to really help. There have been times when I have felt so useless but there have been times when I've felt so inspired by the way Chess has dealt with the difficulties of her ever changing life.
Now I'm not going to dwell on the bad things that I've seen and what I've been told by Chess as she has already written about them in her blog, but, I do believe its important for me to give my own overview of them. She took time to come to terms with her diagnoses, as you would expect. Its a change of lifestyle and as much as she would stubbornly insist that it wouldn't stop her doing things, she soon found that it was hard to carry on the way she was.
College was when it really started to show how Fibro was affecting Chess. I remember all the mornings that Chess had trouble getting up for college and was often late. Add her unsupportive friends and lecturers into the mix and Chess was often in tears and dreading going to college. I personally think that she was badly let down by her lecturers who really should have a duty of care to make sure their students get all the help and support they need. Thankfully she struggled through and got the qualifications she worked so hard for and now loves the job she has.
The one thing I find hard to understand is how Chess went from having a close circle of friends to the ones she has now. You are supposed to be able to rely on friends to be there when times are hard and you expect them to be understanding especially when it comes to health problems. So often Chess was left uninvited to things because I guess her 'friends' had become fed up with her not being able to always go out with them. None of them would take the time to listen or even try to understand Fibro and its affects. The lowest point by far was when some people accused Chess of lying and making it up and that she was just lazy and making excuses! These comments where very hurtful and very ignorant, not to mention unexpected as they were supposed to be her friends! One friend in particularly took offence to something I once said, I basically had enough and wrote a very damning statement on Facebook, she said that she was 'always there' for Chess no matter what, Chess no longer speaks to this one particular individual, I guess it got too tough to stand by her friend and to be 'always there'. They made me so angry so you can imagine how it made Chess feel.
I'm not going to pretend that being a friend is easy, at times it has been really hard but I know that how ever hard I find it, Chess is finding it a million times harder. That's the reason I've stuck by her when others have simply given up. This isn't her fault and she isn't lying about it or playing on it. I've read countless articles and websites about Fibro/M.E/CFS because a friend deserves to have friends who take the time to understand what they are going through.
The hardest part of our friendship has to be most recently when Chess was seriously contemplating suicide. I couldn't do anything other than just be there and try talking to her. Things had just got too much for Chess and she couldn't see her life going the way she wanted it to. Now many people will say it was just attention seeking but I believe it was a true cry for help. Thankfully she went to her Doctor to talk about these feelings and was diagnosed with depression, finally a diagnoses that allowed Chess to be helped. So with the medication she's been on, there has been an improvement. Of course she isn't cured but she's going in the right direction. As for her Fibro, well she is managing a lot better and seems to know her limitations pretty well although she sometimes pushes herself too far and has a very harsh reminder when she is drained of energy and in pain the following day!
I know this has been a rather long piece to read but hopefully it shows that there are people out there that can see the affects of these conditions and are willing to help their friends. The two main things I have learnt through my friendship with Chess is to be patient and to appreciate. Patient in the way Chess may not be able to do things as others may and to appreciate the effort it takes for her to be who she is and do what she can do.
I guess everybody that will hopefully read this can, in some way, relate to what Chess has faced since her diagnoses of Fibro. Just remember, life is sent to try us and try as it might, it won't break us as long as we don't let it.
Thank you for reading.
Firstly let me introduce myself, I'm Toby, the true friend Chess (Francesca) refers to in her blog.
I have known Chess for 4 years now, feels soooo much longer, and I have seen a lot of changes and a lot of ups and downs, not only in her health but also in her social life. Its hard to be a bystander and watch it happen without being able to really help. There have been times when I have felt so useless but there have been times when I've felt so inspired by the way Chess has dealt with the difficulties of her ever changing life.
Now I'm not going to dwell on the bad things that I've seen and what I've been told by Chess as she has already written about them in her blog, but, I do believe its important for me to give my own overview of them. She took time to come to terms with her diagnoses, as you would expect. Its a change of lifestyle and as much as she would stubbornly insist that it wouldn't stop her doing things, she soon found that it was hard to carry on the way she was.
College was when it really started to show how Fibro was affecting Chess. I remember all the mornings that Chess had trouble getting up for college and was often late. Add her unsupportive friends and lecturers into the mix and Chess was often in tears and dreading going to college. I personally think that she was badly let down by her lecturers who really should have a duty of care to make sure their students get all the help and support they need. Thankfully she struggled through and got the qualifications she worked so hard for and now loves the job she has.
The one thing I find hard to understand is how Chess went from having a close circle of friends to the ones she has now. You are supposed to be able to rely on friends to be there when times are hard and you expect them to be understanding especially when it comes to health problems. So often Chess was left uninvited to things because I guess her 'friends' had become fed up with her not being able to always go out with them. None of them would take the time to listen or even try to understand Fibro and its affects. The lowest point by far was when some people accused Chess of lying and making it up and that she was just lazy and making excuses! These comments where very hurtful and very ignorant, not to mention unexpected as they were supposed to be her friends! One friend in particularly took offence to something I once said, I basically had enough and wrote a very damning statement on Facebook, she said that she was 'always there' for Chess no matter what, Chess no longer speaks to this one particular individual, I guess it got too tough to stand by her friend and to be 'always there'. They made me so angry so you can imagine how it made Chess feel.
I'm not going to pretend that being a friend is easy, at times it has been really hard but I know that how ever hard I find it, Chess is finding it a million times harder. That's the reason I've stuck by her when others have simply given up. This isn't her fault and she isn't lying about it or playing on it. I've read countless articles and websites about Fibro/M.E/CFS because a friend deserves to have friends who take the time to understand what they are going through.
The hardest part of our friendship has to be most recently when Chess was seriously contemplating suicide. I couldn't do anything other than just be there and try talking to her. Things had just got too much for Chess and she couldn't see her life going the way she wanted it to. Now many people will say it was just attention seeking but I believe it was a true cry for help. Thankfully she went to her Doctor to talk about these feelings and was diagnosed with depression, finally a diagnoses that allowed Chess to be helped. So with the medication she's been on, there has been an improvement. Of course she isn't cured but she's going in the right direction. As for her Fibro, well she is managing a lot better and seems to know her limitations pretty well although she sometimes pushes herself too far and has a very harsh reminder when she is drained of energy and in pain the following day!
I know this has been a rather long piece to read but hopefully it shows that there are people out there that can see the affects of these conditions and are willing to help their friends. The two main things I have learnt through my friendship with Chess is to be patient and to appreciate. Patient in the way Chess may not be able to do things as others may and to appreciate the effort it takes for her to be who she is and do what she can do.
I guess everybody that will hopefully read this can, in some way, relate to what Chess has faced since her diagnoses of Fibro. Just remember, life is sent to try us and try as it might, it won't break us as long as we don't let it.
Thank you for reading.